Ending

"Everything's going to change now, isn't it?" - Hermione Granger

I decided to write again. I was reading a lecturer's blog and at some point, it made me cry. Adult life is such a scary thing, isn't it?

I'm at my most comfortable position to write, on the bed while listening to Yiruma on repeat. Ceiling fan on 5, half naked with no underpants. Dissertation at 6000 words and yet, here I am worrying for other things. Boyfriend texted in the morning saying that his grandfather has died and all I could offer was condolences. Watched Harry Potter again and cried for someone's death. I can't really remember whose. Queued up for more than half an hour to get the book vouchers. Been eating salad and instant noodle for the past few days. Balance, am I right?

A few more weeks, then all of these will be gone. Unspoken things will be left behind, then I will spend countless hours looking for a job. I'm not really scared about work. Work is easy if you have passion, patience and perseverance. Of course, if you aren't privileged enough, you will have it rough but you persevere because fucking capitalism.  Life could have been easier if work is the only normal thing people should do.

I'm scared about relationships. I'm in a relationship but I don't see myself beyond that. How could I break it to people that I don't want to ever get married? I could never. After all, I'm the obedient type and obedience eats me but people are happy. Isn't that what this era is all about? Making people happy, performing what people want and ignore yourself until it manifests into something all-consuming? I'm so looking forward to that.

For now, I still have time to enjoy.